By Dorothy Vetrano
The holiday season is upon us! It’s a time to celebrate with family and friends, enjoy home-cooked foods, and give thanks for all the blessings in our lives. I always look forward to this time of year but if you’re like me, you don’t always look forward to the stress it brings. Over time, though, I’ve learned a lot about how to manage that stress, adapt to change, and accept the shifts that naturally occur as families grow.
The internet offers plenty of tips on managing holiday stress: eating healthy, prioritizing sleep, learning to say “no,” delegating tasks, staying active, creating a relaxing environment, and taking breaks to enjoy hobbies. One article I found shared the “5 R’s” for reducing stress: Rethink, Relax, Release, Reduce, and Reorganize.
Of those, “Rethink” has been the most powerful for me. When I learned to rethink and adjust my expectations of what the holidays should look like, a major source of stress simply faded away.
I grew up in a small family, but 30 years ago I married into a big Italian one. At the time, my husband’s family was still relatively small. He’s one of seven, and several siblings had young children. My family lived out of state while his was here in Houston. Juggling holiday time between both families felt overwhelming, and I wasn’t sure how it would all work out.
Thankfully, my mother-in-law had the perfect solution. Understanding how important family time is during the holidays, she created a schedule that rotated holiday gatherings every year. One year, my husband’s family hosted Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day was spent with the in-laws. The next year, Christmas Day was spent with his family while the in-laws hosted Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve. At first, I resisted the idea but over time, it made sense. We ended up spending more meaningful time with each family, and it relieved a lot of stress, especially around traveling.
As the years passed, our own family grew. The younger generation married, had children, and began establishing their own traditions. We expanded not only in number but across different cities and states. Our old system of alternating holidays no longer worked, so as a family we had to “rethink” our plan.
Our compromise: we still alternate Thanksgiving each year, but for Christmas, we now gather on the Sunday before Christmas Day. At first, I struggled with this new arrangement because I wanted to celebrate on the actual day. Then someone in the family gently reminded me: It’s not about the day we get together that’s important but it’s the fact that we get together!That simple truth changed everything.
This shift allowed me to let go of something I couldn’t control and eased a major source of seasonal stress. Now I’m free to fully treasure and enjoy the gift of time with family, no matter when that time happens.
So, my holiday wish for all of you is this: Try “rethinking” how things are supposed to be and see the possibilities that might open up for you in this new season.
Dorothy Vetrano was diagnosed with DM in 2021. She lives in Houston, TX with her loving and supportive husband and two four-legged babies. She’s a teacher of students with visual impairments with more than 32 years of experience working with the blind and visually impaired.